Some Thoughts

5.24.10

On peeing with the door open:

Why is it so wonderful? I ask myself, do men pee in front of each other the way women do? Do high school friends and fathers and sons stop their conversations when they need to use the restroom or do they le their words flow as freely as their bodily fluids?
I really do feel that there is a bond or expression of sisterhood among women who pee with the door open. Yes. Peeing with the door open = sisterhood. Thoughts?

On how curiosity killed the cat:

Scenario 1: You are on vacation with your family and a scorpion strings your poor cousin. Four times. And instead of smashing the vile thing to smithereens as is rightfully allowed by The Rules of The Universe (if it stings you, you can kill it ), you and your family capture it, Google information about it, study it, photograph it, talk about it, and then gently let it go.

Scenario 2: You find a scorpion in your house and instead of smashing the vile thing to smithereens as is rightfully allowed by The Rules of The Universe (if it comes into your house, you can kill it) you trap it in an empty yogurt container and keep it on your kitchen counter over the next few days. You slowly add to your collection so that when your mother comes to visit you have three scorpions to how her. The night your mother arrives, instead of going straight to bed because she’s been traveling all day and you have to work the next morning, you take the lid off the yogurt container, turn out the lights and play with the black light your mother brought. Instead of being totally disgusted, you are mildly fascinated by the fact that scorpions fluoresce neon green. Enough so that you save the scorpions for two more day in order to show your friends when they come over for dinner on Wednesday. Enough so that you’re a little bit glad when after dinner you friend finds a 4th scorpion to add to the collection, this one at least three times bigger than any of the others. Enough so that you keep all four scorpions in the yogurt container in the kitchen for an additional three days in order to show different friends when they come over for dinner on Saturday.

On being cold:
Tonight I am cold in my little mountain cabin. So cold it feels like my rings are going to fall off. And I’m happy because scorpions like the heat.

Scorpion Update

Last night as I lay innocently in my bed watching a movie, I heard a clicking noise and looked up. There, above my head where the wall meets the ceiling was a three inch, tan, scorpion investigating my home. I paused for a minute in fear, cursed a little and then went to get a container and a broom. I paused again and then as I tried to sweep the horrid creature off the wall and onto the floor to be corralled into a plastic container it reached up and pulled itself back into the space between the wall and the ceiling. I didn't even know there was a space there. This is my bedroom. I hate this.

Tomorrow, when I go downtown to get my mom off the bus from San Jose, I am going to buy a can of Scorpion Killer. I am going to carry this lovely can around with me every second of every day and use it with glee.

I Live in a Freakin’ Zoo and To Be Honest, I’m Just Not That Into it Anymore

5.14.2010

All of these things happened tonight:

1.the onslaught of golden June bugs. I get dive bombed everywhere and wake up every morning to a house that looks like a battle field, with little beetled bodies scattered across the floor.

2. I flip on the bathroom light to see one of these golden beetles by my hand on the wall, struggling thru some spider web. On the beetle’s back, behind the head, where wing attaches to body, is a little black and gray spider doing something mean looking.

3. a lightning bug flashing away on the floor

4. a beetle the size of a hacky sac, buzzing like a helicopter, crashing full force into and careening off of the walls until I toss it outside.

5. a trio of grasshopper, giant beetle (see #4) and spiked green and black lizard, chillin’ in my bathroom. That’s right, a six inch lizard.

If you’d asked me a week ago if I’d ever had a tarantula, baby scorpions, lightning bug, helicopter beetle or spiky lizard in my house I would have said no. But that was a week ago. Ji says people pay good money to come to Costa Rica and see these animals. Well, I’m gonna pay good money to go to New York and spend the summer away from them.

Scorpion update: I spoke to my landlady today. Turns out she’s very allergic to scorpion stings. The sting site swells and she gets a fever. She says as soon as she sees them she sprays anti-scorpion spray on them and they die immediately. Maybe this is just the excuse I need to start killing these arachnids that I hate so much, instead of carefully capturing them and tossing them outside.